I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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