So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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