We're facebook friends in real life
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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