I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
