ugly people sure do ruin things
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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