Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
