We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
