I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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