i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
