it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
