My nipple is on Facebook.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
