I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
