She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
