I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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