Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
