Don't make out with my wife yet
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
