My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
