you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
