he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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