he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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