Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
