There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
