This is not my ceiling
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
