Cold hands, warm shart.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
