My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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