i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
