just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
