literally had 100 drinks last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
