At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
