im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
