I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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