I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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