maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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