On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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