If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
