did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
