remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
