hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The Olympian is in my bed
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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