I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are we still banned from the library?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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