I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Someone came in the potted fern
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
