I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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