How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
