so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
