Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
