there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When are your genitals available?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
