I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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