You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
