I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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