Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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