i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
