u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
