Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
